Over the past couple months, Goddess Joules has kindly given me the opportunity to forgo my orgasms, and remain locked in chastity, at the beck and call of her will and her desires. Goddess graciously accepted my request to be denied and controlled, which had been a fantasy for many years, but further she showed me something much greater: the pleasure of being in, and the enlightening journey of, submission.
Despite being eternally grateful and indebted to Goddess Joules, I haven’t been as obedient as such a lucky and rewarded sub should be. Now for the second time, whilst locked and denied as specifically demanded by Goddess Joules, I came whilst in my chastity cage. A baser, less evolved and selfish part of me took control and both disobeyed Goddess and disrespected the gift (which I had asked for) of chastity and denial that she had given me.
Literally whilst climaxing to a rather frustrating orgasm, a deep wave of disappointment and dissatisfaction set over me. That what I sought control over by giving up control, had got the better of me, despite a good run of submission recently. The only redeeming point in my otherwise disorderly conduct was I was wise enough to contact Goddess to tell her of my disobedience and lack of control.
I waited in shame, whilst Goddess chose the repercussions of my actions. The punishment was the same as the first time with two additional punishments. Just as before I was to pay a fine of £150, a steep but fair punishment, designed to sting. Again, just as before, I was to hit my balls, as the feeling of pain was meant to remind me not to disappointment Goddess.
Now, in addition to the punishment for my body and wallet, this time my mind was also to be trained. First, I was ordered write 100 lines of “I will not cum without Goddess Joules’ permission.” As I began writing, it occurred to me that I hadn’t written lines in years, so I felt like a naughty school boy for my earlier indiscretion. My hand began to ache after merely 40 lines or so. The pain built as I started each new page. At the end of it, before me lay 5 pages of “I will not cum without Goddess Joules’ permission.” written out 100 times, etched into my mind as the lactic acid burned in my hand.
Lastly, it was not enough that I felt the shame privately. It is fitting that, just as I publicly display my pride of Goddess Joules when I please her, I should similarly share my shame when I disappoint her. As such, I have been ordered to write this piece, to share publicly my shame and indiscretion.
I have learnt that, whilst Goddess is forgiving, as well as giving me a chance to grow and learn through redemption, my consequences will have actions. I will be expected to follow through with my commitments, and when Goddess Joules is kind enough to indulge and embrace my fetishes, I shall present and perform myself as a good submissive puppet.
I suspect that Goddess has given me a degree of leniency, I will return the compliment by learning from my mistakes. Knowing that Goddess has control over me, mind, body and soul, I have no interest in anything but obedience.